I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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