mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
