You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
