I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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