I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
