I need to stop coming to work sober
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
