it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
He passed out mid-signature
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
