i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
