Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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