remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
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