it wasn't lemon gatorade
I wanna passion pit in your ass
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Randomize
