my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
