drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
