did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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