there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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