I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Randomize
