you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
