Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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