I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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