She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Randomize
