worst night to have a conscience
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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