whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
