After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
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