I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
