My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
