I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
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