I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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