I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
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