Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
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