Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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