just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Randomize
