Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
you win again, gameday.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
This is my life. Enjoy the view
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
