Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
can u get pink eye on your cock?
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
