so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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