Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
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