So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
