Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
