so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
