My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
