This is not my ceiling
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Randomize
