Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Randomize
