We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
