I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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