The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
