omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
