my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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