If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
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