I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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