Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Randomize
