I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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