that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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