when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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