dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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